One of the biggest benefits of being a continental business traveller is the freedom to decide when and where I go. Milan is great in spring or autumn, but midsummer heat and humidity make it an unwise destination for business people wanting to maintain their dignity. Arguing with Italians is generally hard work as Brits lack the energy and repertoire of gesticulations to stand a chance. Add hallucinogenic heatstroke and we might as well give up and just not mention last quarter’s poor sales figures.
Alpine Bavaria is stunning but if, like me, you’re never going to look good on skis, don't go in high season. Normally sleepy villages transform into a heaving mass of violent shades, flailing ski poles and, worst of all, a trans- European machismo that requires everyone to ask everyone else how the slopes are. On eight separate occasions last winter I had to explain that I wasn’t here to ski, that I didn’t ski, that I couldn’t ski, that in Basingstoke it’s not at all weird for a fat, balding man to avoid donning expensive rainbow coloured clothes just to fall over and snap limbs on a green run.
The Languedoc is one of France’s most beautiful, interesting and unmolested provinces. The wine is reason enough to visit, but there are also magnificent relics of the region’s nonconformist past, such as castles left by Cathar heretics in the 13th-century. Lastours at Cabaret is a pleasant hike and historically significant, as are the streets of old Carcassonne. Beware though, for in winter the countryside is littered with wild boars and wild locals, or chasseurs, hunting said beasts. In summer the surrounding beaches and markets are gridlocked by tourists.
Køge in Denmark on a summer’s evening is divine. One can walk south from the centre of town, through the mighty docklands and along the vast sandy shores where it gradually gets more mysterious and tranquil. On one such trip I came across a group of druid-like people howling some medieval chant, their white gowns floating on the surf. The Oresund tunnel linking Denmark and Sweden is one to watch out for from above, where the road mysteriously appears from the middle of the ocean, similar to Tokyo in style, if not in scale.
In Norway, the average tourist is drawn to Oslo for the nightlife or Stavanger for the ferry from Newcastle. But, as those in fishing, shipping or the oil trade know, Bergen is the jewel in the crown of one of Europe’s few remaining monarchies. Due to expensive beer and a consequential lack of Brits, it’s both quiet and friendly, with stunning mountain scenery and a busy harbour life: a balm for the senses of any businessman, from Basingstoke or otherwise.
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