Why aren't there any painkillers on pirate ships? Because the parrots eat 'em all. Yes, the pirate is a funny guy, with his comedy outfit, yo-ho-ho, bottle of rum, love of the sea and tendency towards violent, bloodthirsty looting.
The pirate has often been used as a metaphor for a certain type of businessperson — the language of 'corporate raider' being one prime example. However, it's not all nasty on the Spanish Main, wherever that is, and the
pirate can teach us some good (and perfectly legal-ish) ways to behave in order to improve business.
For one, he (literally) runs
a tight ship, with a team
who know their jobs inside
out and do what is asked without question. Threats of keelhauling, however, will
go down poorly with HR.
A pirate on your team will not want to be office bound — he's too much of a free spirit for that, and would much prefer somewhere hot, sunny and barely on nodding terms with the rule of law. And it's just as well he doesn't want to be in the next cubicle — even if he does look like Johnny Depp, his personal hygiene standards may leave something to be desired, and all those parrot droppings will probably jam everybody's keyboards.
Use him for some drama in a big presentation, as he swings through the window of the boardroom on some sort of rope. And if you want to let
him do any of the talking an interpreter will be useful. All that arrrrr-ing and timber-shivering will need some explanation, especially if
he's trying to present the annual finance report.
If you have a company discount scheme with a gym, he may have to be barred, as the prospect of him charging through it, waving a cutlass and demanding to see Davy Jones' locker doesn't bear thinking about.
In terms of remuneration,
he doesn't usually wait to get paid in the conventional way, preferring to just take cash from someone else. And, in
line with current best practice, any bonus will not be paid in pieces of eight, but in loyalty share options based on future hauls of booty.
Having joined up, a pirate generally stays in his job for the duration — the lifestyle being somewhat addictive. Which
is possibly the reason why so many of them are hooked.
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