It has acid for blood, a relentless destructive determination and a parasitic tendency to live off the energy of someone else. Now now, don't be rude, we're talking about an alien.
Or, to be more specific, an Alien with a capital A, such as the one from the film starring Sigourney Weaver and its various sequels. It's a single-minded staff member, your Alien. Client meetings are probably a no-no, unless you don't mind your clients being torn apart
by an enormous, hyper-violent and incredibly ugly extraterrestrial. Of course, if
you're trying to get rid of a particularly irksome business associate, be our guest.
Even in these enlightened days of anti-ageism in the workplace, we would advise hiring an older Alien and must emphasise that the younger ones are not ideal for internships — youthful Aliens tend to become a little too attached to their mentors. Mostly by sticking themselves to their faces with all the delicacy of a drunk sales rep at a Christmas party.
Aliens are useful at any age, however, for dealing with the competition. One of these in your rivals' camp and it's just
a matter of time before the 'problem' has disappeared.
Female Aliens have been known to have fussy demands and prefer to work in places that can provide a nursery — preferably a damp, dark
and creepy one with space
for a few thousand two-foot-high eggs. Even then they
tend to be incessantly angry — there really is just no pleasing some people.
In fact, the office is not ideal territory for the Alien. Quick-tempered individuals, they are rarely popular or a good influence on other team members. And if you have
the sort of headquarters that clients are allowed to visit, then the sight of your entire staff running around screaming is not one that is going to seal the deal. Unless, of course, your office is in space, where, as we all know, no one will hear the screams.
All in all, the Alien is a
ruthless and goal-fixated colleague who will stop at nothing to get what he or she (or it) wants. Just don't offer
to take it out to dinner as a reward. You'll probably be
the main course.
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