#01
Do you need a mentor, consultant, counsellor, coach or confidant/e?
A mentor can cover all these roles, but the others can't. Counsellors work on emotional and psychological issues, coaches on behavioural and skills issues, confidant/es on politics and culture issues, and consultants on operational or strategic issues. An experienced mentor will be able to straddle all areas – but also know when to bring in an expert.
#02
Decide on the issues
Identify clearly the issue that you want to be mentored on. Very often it's not what people know, or even what they know they don't know that trips them up, it's what they don't know they didn't know. So very often a client has turned up thinking, "This is what I want some help with," but – after proper enquiry – we discover that the real issue lies elsewhere. A mentor's objectivity is critical.
#03
Do you already know someone?
Ask your network if they can refer or recommend someone (for whom they can give a testimonial). Google 'mentoring'. Do you need a 1:1 mentor? Or peer mentoring? Find the right offering that meets your needs.
#04
Check them out
Read their testimonials. Talk
to their past clients. Ask them which mentee relationships were most and least successful and why. Ask them why they are a mentor. In my old firm, I hired one in every 22 people who applied to be a mentor.
A great CV does not a great mentor make.
#05
Get some background
Ask them about what they
are not good at and what
they have failed at – and the lessons that they learned. Anyone who hasn't ever failed won't make a great mentor.
It's often the war stories and surviving adversity that great leaders love talking about most in their autobiographies. The mistakes they make and the lessons learnt give mentors their insight. Besides, it shows they have taken some risks – not all of which worked out.
#06
Ensure availability
Is your mentoring need urgent? Mission critical? Ongoing and developmental? Can the mentor meet you when you are available? It just won't work if you call for a meeting and the next slot they have in their diary is weeks away. A decent mentor will only take on ten clients at any one time. As the client, you also need to set aside time, after the mentoring sessions, to think about and integrate and implement what you have worked on.
#07
Be truthful
Be prepared for 100 per cent honesty and vulnerability. Great leaders are self-aware, honest and authentic. How can someone really help you if you are not open? If someone is closed, unwilling to change, to look inside, there is probably no chance of a successful mentoring relationship – or outcome. I have had to fire
a few clients over the years because they just weren't willing to do the work or be honest with themselves.
#08
Gain mutual trust
Without you trusting your mentor and your mentor trusting you, no progress will
be made. Do they have any conflicts of interest, hidden agendas, axes to grind, vested interests in the mentoring topic? If they do, don't proceed. For example, you wouldn't ask your spouse to mentor you on your infidelity!
#09
Think about what you
can teach your mentor
Mentoring is a two-way relationship. If a mentor isn't passionate about learning, they won't be any good for you. A mentor brings their experience and wisdom and asks better and more informed questions based on these.
A fresh pair of eyes asks
great questions – without preconceived or opinionated ideas. Good mentors deliberately choose eclectic and diverse clients who they can learn from and then pass on that learning to other clients.
#10
Enjoy yourself
After credibility, the only
other critical ingredient is chemistry. Does the mentor
like you? Do you like them?
Is there mutual respect? True friendships can emerge from
a great mentoring relationship. It should be an enjoyable
and fun relationship – as well as a serious and growth-based one.
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