Many people use common sayings and phrases to describe particular features and situations of daily life. But do such phrases actually depict reality and, if they do, what could they teach us about persuading others?
Let us look at two such common ones: ‘birds of a feather flock together’ and ‘opposites attract’. The latter argues that two parties will be more likely to partner together the more different they are. However, the former suggests that it is similarity that influences the outcomes of the most productive relationships. So which is correct?
Rather than be guided by personal experiences and anecdotes, persuasion researchers test and study these things to find definitive answers, and when it comes to developing relationships there is a clear winner. ‘Birds of a feather’ beats ‘opposites’. And by a big margin.
Studies have shown that we prefer to do business with those with whom we share similar backgrounds and experiences. We like people who support the same sports teams and enjoy the same hobbies as us more than those who do not. Even if we hear that we share similarities with people considered undesirable, we will often come to like them more.
In one classic study, people were asked to read an account of the ‘mad monk of Russia’ Grigori Rasputin, a man largely considered a scoundrel. After reading about this unsavoury character, people were asked to rate how likeable he was. Most reported that he was distinctly unlikeable. However, one group was much more favourable about him. Why? They were told by researchers at the beginning of the study that Rasputin shared the same birthday as them.
Researchers into consumer behaviour claim that similarities can even influence what we buy. For example, studies show that people prefer brands that begin with the same letter as their name. Astonishingly, our names can even influence us to take up similar sounding careers. All other things being equal, dentists are disproportionately more likely to be called Dennis and lawyers more likely to be called Lawrence.
The persuasiveness of similarity as a business tool is often underutilised. Our information-overloaded business world means that we often get straight down to business leaving little time to find out about the similarities we share with others. As a result we perhaps find out things we share in common by accident or only after having worked with them for some time or worst still not at all.
The effective persuader makes time to seek out the similarities that they share with others. As a result, a couple of well-placed questions about an individual’s background or interests or even a quick internet search so that you can demonstrate genuine similarities could mean the difference between people flocking to your business or doing the opposite.
Steve Martin is co-author of Yes! 50 Secrets from the Science of Persuasion. Visit scienceofyes.com.
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