Persuasion researchers have known for many years that a person's likeability is a key factor in determining how successful they are at influencing others. In fact, many business training programmes will claim that the first rule in any business interaction is to get your customer to like you. But it turns out that this is not necessarily true.
One of the most successful salespeople named in the Guinness Book of World Records is a car salesman called Joe Girard. Far from being a top executive at a major motor manufacturer, Girard gained his accolade selling one car at a time to ordinary everyday customers. Anyone this successful is invariably asked what their secret is and Girard has a simple answer: "People want a fair deal from someone they like." When asked what he does to get people to like him, he replies with an equally straightforward answer. "I tell them that I like them."
It turns out Girard's impressive sales figures aren't the only evidence of how successful this approach can be. There is scientific evidence, too. Of course, we will often say 'Yes' to people that we like. Interestingly, though, we are even more likely to say 'Yes' to the people who tell us that they like us. Especially if they pay us compliments as well.
A study published recently in the Journal of Basic and Applied Social Psychology found that just under half of people who were asked to help out a colleague with a favour were willing to do so. However, if the colleague first gave the person a compliment before making the request, 79 per cent of people were willing to help. Interestingly the increase in help occurred regardless of how likeable the requester was. It was the requester demonstrating their liking for another by complimenting them that increased their persuasiveness.
Numerous other studies have consistently shown how effective it can be to tell others that you like them and to give genuine compliments. Waiters receive bigger tips after praising diners for their menu choice. Hair stylists get higher tips after telling clients how much they like their new hairdo. Moreover, the effects of compliments hold true even when people know that the flatterer has an ulterior motive. But the lesson is not to use false compliments as a universal, and rather blunt, instrument of persuasion. Instead it is to selectively look for genuinely likeable features in someone and tell them.
Perhaps the most underused place where compliments can be employed effectively is with the people we are least likely to compliment at all — those we dislike and find difficulty dealing with. Again the suggestion is not to lavish fake or bogus praise but instead to look for genuinely admirable features about such individuals — their strong work ethic, attention to detail or reliability. Doing so might mean the difference between successfully getting business done or not. But business:life readers probably knew that already — you are, after all, a most discerning, intelligent and attractive bunch of people. ;-)
Steve Martin is co-author of Yes! 50 Secrets from the Science of Persuasion. Test your persuasive skills at scienceofyes.com
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